When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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