hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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