he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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