He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
