Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
