OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
