i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
