And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
