Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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