my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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