my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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