it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
