So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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