well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
