So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
