girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
