You're my little dorito
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
