I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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