i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you had me at cake vodka
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
