Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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