i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize