I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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