Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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