no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
