Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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