oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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