i think my tv is drunk
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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