I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
