You really coming over, don't trick.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
