Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
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Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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