This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
