i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
