Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
