He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
