The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
