Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
