I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
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You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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