How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
