Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
