I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
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I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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