Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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