you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I believe in your delicious
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
