im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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