why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
