3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
