remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
