She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
