I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
