just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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