Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
