Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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