I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
