Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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