I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
