Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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