his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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