His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
