whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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