Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is the prime rib incident all over again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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