that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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