Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
