so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
