I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
