and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
