she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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