his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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