Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
