I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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